Things That Suck Worse
I know loads of money has been spent trying to convince people to go in to get colonoscopies to screen for colon cancer, with clever slogans that boil down to "Colonoscopy: Sucks Less Than Colon Cancer!" I wouldn't know, never having had colon cancer (and until tomorrow afternoon, never having had a colonoscopy either). But I can think of a few things that suck more than this nasty colonoscopy prep. Here's my non-comprehensive list of things that suck more than a colonoscopy:
- Giving birth. Hurts like hell. And they don't allow you to eat, which makes it kind of like colonoscopy prep, except that after a while you don't want to eat anyway because you're focusing on what feels like taking the world's biggest crap while screaming at the top of your lungs.
- Discovering you are being audited by the IRS and/or investigated by DCFS. Just like a colonoscopy, they're gonna stick you with an anal probe, only unlike a colonoscopy you're not going to be sedated when they do it.
- Sorry, I had to run to the bathroom. Back now.
- Prison rape. Hey, it could happen to you! (See "audited by the IRS" above.)
- Accidentally taking a severe overdose of laxatives while on a juice fast. Oh wait, that's the same as colonoscopy prep...
- Sorry, I had to run the the bathroom. Back now.