Thursday, March 23, 2006

I Do Nothing All Day But Feed Boys

Boys sure do eat a LOT, and I have three of them. The bad part about that is the food costs twice as much for a boy as for a girl. The good part is, you don't have to pay for a wedding. But until they turn 18 and I can legally make them pay for their own damn food, I spend my entire day doing scarcely anything but feed boys.

6:30 am: Wake up groggily to the melodious sounds of Bagel crying out, "Foo-foo! Foo-foo!"
6:35 am: Bagel's request turns into a melodramatic scene of betrayal, since I haven't yet gotten out of bed and put foo-foo [food] in front of him.
6:37 am: Bagel bites my knee and scratches my arm in an attempt to improve service.
6:38 am: Bagel, seated in his chair, screams at me because I've set him a bowl but it has not yet been filled with cereal.
6:49 am: Admonish Sonshine for giving himself, the table, and the kitchen chair a milk shower while slopping cereal into his mouth.
6:50 am: Breastfeed Knuckles.
7:00 am: Put Knuckles down, remove Bagel from chair.
7:01 am: Breastfeed Knuckles.
7:54 am: Breastfeed Knuckles.
8:10 am: Breastfeed Knuckles. [Knuckles weighs over 9 pounds now, at age 1 month.]
8:30 am: Sonshine goes off to school.
8:45 am: Breastfeed Knuckles. Encourage Bagel to not try to rip Knuckles' face off.
8:53 am: Serve Bagel's second breakfast.
9:30 am: Bagel's morning snack.
9:31 am: Breastfeed Knuckles.
9:32 am: Bagel, abandoning his snack, tries to bite Knuckles' toes.
9:33 am: Bagel has been put down for a nap; breastfeed Knuckles.
9:45 am: Eat a little breakfast before Bagel wakes up and demands his share of it.
10:52 am: Bagel wakes up and demands his snack again.
11:30 am: Pick up Sonshine at school.
11:40 am: Serve lunch to two very hungry and impatient boys.
11:41 am: Breastfeed the other very hungry and impatient boy.
12:00 pm: Strip food-covered clothes off Bagel.
12:30 pm: Pull Bagel off the leftover soup.
12:45 pm: Breastfeed Knuckles.
1:00 pm: Put away the stool so that Bagel can no longer pick the crusts off the bread that was supposed to be for the neighbors.
1:15 pm: Breastfeed Knuckles.
2:30 pm: Snack for Sonshine.
2:31 pm: Snack for Bagel.
2:32 pm: Breastfeed Knuckles.
3:00 pm: Pick up Princess at school.
3:20 pm: Snack for Princess, Sonshine, and Bagel.
3:59 pm: Remind Princess that she can't eat her snack all day long and she has homework to do.
4:30 pm: Try to breastfeed Knuckles while Bagel tries to rip his face off.
4:31 pm: Bagel goes down for a nap.
4:32 pm: Breastfeed Knuckles.
5:00 pm: Start cooking dinner.
5:04 pm: Bagel smells food and wakes up.
5:06 pm: Bagel climbs up on the kitchen stool and tries to eat the raw chicken while I'm not looking.
5:07 pm: Bagel screams, "Chicky!!!!" as I take the raw chicken away from him.
5:15 pm: Pause in cooking dinner to breastfeed Knuckles.
5:20 pm: Sonshine wants a snack.
5:26 pm: Start cooking dinner again.
5:30 pm: With dinner in the pot, breastfeed Knuckles.
6:03 pm: Dinner is served.
6:04 pm: Breastfeed Knuckles.
6:30 pm: Bath time. Wash food off boys.
7:02 pm: Start bedtime routine.
7:45 pm: Breastfeed Knuckles.
8:03 pm: Breastfeed Knuckles.
8:16 pm: Finish bedtime routine.
8:17 pm: Eat a cold dinner.
8:23 pm: Collapse in a weary heap.
9:48 pm: Wake up and put away leftover food; breastfeed Knuckles.
10:04 pm, 10:30 pm, 10:45 pm, 11:00 pm: Breastfeed Knuckles.
1:00 am: Breastfeed Knuckles.
3:00 am: Breastfeed Knuckles.
5:30 am: Breastfeed Knuckles.
6:30 am: Repeat.