Saturday, January 07, 2006

I'm Hungry

I've been on this crazy low-carb diet for about a month now, and I am so sick of it. I want to EAT.

On this diet, I can eat pretty much anything I want, but I have to spread my carbohydrates out throughout the day, and I have to control my portions of anything that has carbs as a major component. This is rather challenging. In real life, this boils down to the following tenets:
  • I cannot have regular soda or juice or candy. Period. They have so many carbs in a regular portion that if I wanted to have them, I'd have to have them with salad and nothing else, or else I could have nothing but a few sips or bites of them.
  • I cannot eat but a few mouthfuls of many of the foods I like, including (but not limited to) bread, mashed potatoes, and rice, not to mention candy or any sort of dessert. This has the effect, famously alluded to in the movie "O Brother, Where Art Thou?", of "arousing my appetite without bedding her down." I especially miss bread. I make this lovely herbed wheat bread that I am no longer able to eat in quantities large enough to satisfy my appetite. And peanut butter and jelly is a big no-no. Root beer floats aren't so bad, though, if they're made with diet root beer; and ice cream actually doesn't have all that many carbs.
  • If I try to substitute a low-carb version of something, it is inevitably lacking in either taste, texture, or satisfaction. Low-carb candies suck like a brand-new Hoover. Diet soda tastes funny. Splenda makes my tea dry out my mouth. I want my Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, my IBC Root Beer, and my honey.
  • Keep the kids away from the red sugar-free drink mixes. Those red drinks give my 5-year-old the most horrific mustaches that won't go away without exfoliating his face, which we can't do because of his eczema. The other day we actually sent him to school with the one from the night before, because his assignment was to wear something pink and he didn't have anything like that in his wardrobe.
Right now I would like nothing better than to gorge myself on homemade wheat bread and all the other carb foods I miss so much. Carbs or no carbs, it's gotta be healthier than the crap I have to eat now.