He Said It First

I wanted to say this, but Ted Lapkin beat me to it.

It reminds me of somebody who used to be my next door neighbor. "Oh no, he didn't beat the living crap out of me because he's a sick S.O.B. who can't handle his own inadequacies. He beat the living crap out of me because I put too much salt in his Clams Casino. I know it's true because he said so. He didn't say he beat me because he's an abuser. He said he beat me because I put too much salt."