Sunday, August 10, 2008

Wrap Your Precious Snowflakes In Bubble Wrap

Attention Moms! Your precious little children are at risk! Why, every time they venture out into the world, they are exposed to GERMS! And don't you know, germs can be deadly! Haven't you heard of antibiotic-resistant bacteria???

You must be especially wary of BITERS. Some children are not properly raised (as if they are being raised by wolves, and nothing great ever comes of that!) and this is the reason why they bite others. No normal parent ever has problems with their child biting, so if a child bites, it must be the fault of the parent. Therefore what should be done about this is to marginalize the parents. If your child is bitten, be sure to make the parent feel bad, and also threaten them with a lawsuit if your child should be bitten and contract an infection. This risk is especially high because the human mouth has more germs than a dog's mouth!

These children who bite are a liability and should be kicked out of the company of every decent person, but sadly they tend to go undetected, passing as normal children until one day they bite and reveal themselves as the spawn of Satan. So the best course of action is to wrap your child in bubble wrap every time they will be in the presence of other children.

Be sure to sterilize the bubble wrap first though, by dipping it in boiling water. (Don't forget to let it cool before wrapping it around your precious little snowflake.)