What a Fun Day!

Bagel is really touchy today and liable to fly off the handle at any moment if anything disrupts his sense of order. At about 6:30 this morning, for example, he came into our bedroom even though he's not supposed to get up till 7. I nursed him but then he demanded to be fed, as is his usual morning routine, and because I was slow to get out of bed he got mad and knocked my glasses onto the floor. I had to search for my glasses immediately lest they get stepped on, which took longer and made him even more enraged at the delay. I poured him his cereal, but because he was upset he wouldn't touch it, even though I got it 100% right. He bit the baby on the back.

I put him in his room so that I could make the kids' sack lunches, get them off to school, and get something to eat myself. When I pulled him out, he demanded to be given toast. He was satisfied for a few seconds when I put the bread in the toaster, but it only took a few seconds for him to have a meltdown when toast was not immediately forthcoming.

Knuckles has started pinching me while nursing, just like Bagel did. This disturbs me. I tried wrapping him up firmly in a blanket last night, and (unlike Bagel) he was able to nurse that way, although not as effectively as when he's allowed to pinch me. For his part, Bagel has given up pinching while nursing in favor of touching the breast in ways I wouldn't let FH do when we were dating. I don't like this, but if I try to make him stop, he won't nurse, and if he doesn't nurse he gets really upset and flies into rages much easier.

This morning Bagel was nursing and Knuckles came over and touched his hand. Bagel found this quite funny and started giggling at the breast, which feels very overpoweringly stimulating for me. I finally ended the feeding because Bagel wouldn't stop giggling. At the moment I am completely exhausted and have no prospects for being able to lay down, let alone sleep, until about 11pm tonight.

This is a typical day at my house. I am a milk cow and short-order cook.

We are getting some help. The lady from the Early Intervention program comes twice a month. A social worker is going to visit us next week to talk to us about resources we can draw on. And right after Christmas, Bagel has an appointment to see a team of professionals about a diagnosis. But until then, all I want for Christmas is a nap.