Thursday, December 09, 2004

Women, Damn Women, and Statistics

The Scotsman reports that 96% of women are liars. Just a few passages that struck me:

NINETEEN out of 20 women admit lying to their partners or husbands, a survey on attitudes to truth and relationships has found.

Eighty-three per cent owned up to telling "big, life-changing lies", with 13 per cent saying they did so frequently...

And an alarming 31 per cent said they would not tell a future partner if they had a sexual disease: this rises to 65 per cent among single women.

And there's probably a good reason why those women are single...

The National Scruples and Lies Survey 2004 found plenty of untruths were told over the Christmas period. A total of 78 per cent said they would pass off a second-hand gift as a brand new present, while half have lied about a Christmas card being "lost in the post".

Women will also lie to save people’s feelings, with only 27 per cent saying they would tell a man if he was hopeless in bed (although a third would tell their friends all about it).

If a man were hopeless in bed, such severe criticism would probably only make him, ahem, more hopeless. One wonders why the ladies would flatter the guy instead of teaching him a thing or two. Wouldn't they rather have better sex?

Just over half would flatter a man if he asked them about his looks and only 46 per cent would give the "brutal truth". However, 61 per cent of women would want their partners to be "brutally honest" if they asked them "do I look fat?" or "do you think my best friend’s attractive?"

Note to men: since we've already established that 96% of women are liars, we can rule out the majority of them actually wanting men to be "brutally honest" when asked if they look fat. You should still weasel out of answering this question.

Nearly half said they had faked orgasms and 55 per cent admitted claiming they were tired, had a headache, or felt ill to "get out of lovemaking".

Honey, if you have to fake orgasms or want to get out of lovemaking, you need to get your partner a manual.

In related news, "You’re wonderful in bed" made #9 on their top ten list of lies. Maybe if they'd quit lying to their man about how good he is in bed, and actually talk to him, he might improve.