Wednesday, July 12, 2006

The Swimsuit Conundrum

I own three swimsuits. The first is black with a little skirt, and is left over from my pre-baby days. The second is also black with a longer skirt, and is left over from my earlier post-baby days. The third has no skirt and is navy blue with a blue floral print. Despite having three bathing suits, I have nothing to wear to the pool.

The first suit fit a little tight through the chest when I tried it on. By "a little" I mean "a lot," and by "tight" I mean "quite revealing." I wasn't so boobalicious when I bought the suit as I am now, and it really shows. I looked in the mirror and thought I looked like a 40's-vintage pin-up girl. I asked Knuckles if he thought the suit was too lacking in coverage on top, and he said "Sorry, what? I was thinking about lunch."

The second suit is too big. I'm in the process of losing weight, and evidently I've lost enough that my post-baby suit is hanging off my bod. I feel like it's about to fall off. I wore the suit downstairs, and Bagel immediately pointed at my chest and said "Nur-nur!" which was when I noticed that I was sort of falling out the top. So I can't choose the second suit either.

The third suit has no skirt, which means the full glory of my butt-white stretch-marked thighs will be on display for all the world to avert their eyes from. Not only that, but the back scoops low enough to show my scar. The scar looks terrible and I have to explain to everyone who asks that it was not from some horrible abuse.* This suit might be fine for me, but I have to consider everyone else too. Nobody wants to swim in a pool full of vomit.

Suit #1 isn't looking so bad at the moment.

Fortunately, I did some digging through the drawer and came up with Suit #4, which I had forgotten about entirely. It has a skirt and sufficient dorsal and ventral coverage, and is heavily worn and the seams are popping out. Now I remember why I bought Suit #2: because this one was way too tight, and I couldn't wear Suit #3. Looks like Suit #4 will be our lucky winner today.

* For the record, the scar came from a maternity back brace that I wore in a foolish way. The end of the boning wore a blister the size of a quarter into my back, which I didn't notice until I got off my feet and the pain in my feet subsided enough that I could feel the pain in my back.