Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Stupid Medical Stuff

Today I did my glucose tolerance test. I hate that test. For those who have never taken one, first they make you skip your usual meal schedule, which is hard enough when you're pregnant. Then they make you drink this hideous sugary drink that tastes like licking the Sugar Plum Fairy's behind. Then they make you wait a whole other hour, still without food. And then they stick you and take your blood and see how much sugar is in it. And if it's too high, they put you on a grapefruit diet or something, where you only get to eat a wedge of grapefruit for breakfast and maybe a chicken strip for dinner. If you haven't used up your Fat Allowance and your Faux Dairy Allowance, you might be allowed to dip the chicken strip in ranch dressing.

My doctor also took a routine urine sample, and he told me the sample was way maxed out on sugar, meaning that I'm probably going to fail my glucose tolerance test. Well DUH, Doc, there's too much sugar in my system. That's because YOU TOLD ME TO DRINK IT. I drank it anyway even though I knew the combination of not eating and drinking that sugary crap would give me a sugar buzz like you wouldn't believe. I don't normally eat that much pure sugar, especially on an empty stomach. If my blood sugar levels are high, they're artificially so because of the stupid test YOU made me do!

But the DOCTOR won't be the one allowed to eat nothing but grapefruit for the next several months, oh no. That would be ME.

I normally do a very good job of keeping my diet balanced. I eat healthy foods. I don't eat junk, except for the occasional chocolate binge. I snack on things like cheese. I have the occasional soda with dinner. I eat in moderation, small meals and snacks throughout the day. I have to eat something the minute I get up, and something right before bed, and then I do all right. I certainly don't chug sugar syrup. But the stupid doctor and his crazy test screwed all this up, and now I'm going to get treated as if it were something I did all the time.

Thanks a lot, Doc.