Wednesday, July 21, 2004

It's Zucchini Season... get out your hunting rifles, folks!

For all you city folks out there, a few important facts about zucchini that you should know:
  • Even a brown-thumbed idiot like me can grow zucchini.
  • Harvest zucchini while they are small; don't let them grow into two-foot-long monstrosities.
  • One zucchini plant can supply the zucchini needs of an entire residential block.
  • When you grow more zucchini than you can eat, the proper thing to do with it is to tie ribbon bows around the remaining zucchinis and distribute them to your neighbors as gifts of the harvest season.
  • When you get back from taking your wagon full of zucchini around the block, you'll find your doorstep covered with zucchinis tied with ribbon bows. If you look down the street, you'll see your neighbors walking down the street pulling their wagons.
  • After you've eaten all the ratatouille and zucchini sticks you can stand, any remaining zucchini should be thrown away. You can try to donate it to the food bank, but chances are they already have enough zucchini too. Whatever you do, do not attempt to make ersatz pineapple rings or candied apple-flavored chunks out of leftover zucchini.
And finally, a joke that goes around the state of Utah at this time of year (and has done so since I was a girl):

A California woman goes to visit her cousin in Utah. They go to the grocery store, and the California cousin locks the car door as they get out. "You don't have to lock your doors here," says the Utahn, "this is Utah." Then they go to the mall and the Californian again locks the door out of sheer habit. "You don't have to lock the door, this is Utah." says the Utah cousin.

Then they go to church on Sunday. When they get out, the Utah cousin locks the car doors. "Why are you locking the car doors?" asks the Californian. "I thought this was Utah."

"Yeah," says the Utahn, "but it's zucchini season."